RLM...

RLM= Red Light Moment :)
Well, this past week I was driving through town and, of course, hit the light at Biddle and McAndrews...yes, at the turn from yellow to red...ugh! But I was not in so much of a hurry and I was enjoying the sun's rays coming through my window on the cold fall day- my view turned to the cars passing through their green light and I was looking at them as they drove through...as they each passed, I took notice of the people IN the cars- and had the thought- my red lights are others green lights. No, not deep- but stick with me here...They all have places they want to get to as well- and sometimes we are so focused on the immediate destination we are heading that we lose sight of the bigger picture. I saw a clear view of my perspective- I am selfish! I want green lights all the time- I don't want to be stopped by red lights...EVER! But at times- my red light moments are green lights for people around me.

This applies to my marriage, my parenting, my friendships...etc. It can't always be my way- that is not the way things work. I don't normally think of myself as being self-absorbed (who that is self-absorbed does?) ha!! You know what though- I can be! I am too often about myself, my feelings, my plans.

I have been reading through a book called, "The Royal Way of the Cross" by Fenelon and I can't get passed this chapter. It is a red light moment I am taking for myself because I need to grasp at least a piece of this passage...the title of the chapter is, "On Christian Perfection" and the start of it says:

"Christian perfection is not the strict, wearisome constrained thing many suppose it to be. It requires us to give ourselves to God with our whole heart, and so soon as this is accomplished, whatever we are called upon to do for God becomes easy. Those who are wholly God's are always satisfied, for they desire only that which he wills, and are ready to do whatever he requires."

The following three pages in this chapter have had me captivated for about a week now. There is more than where we are right now. There is more to life than this. Sometimes we grasp it and then too soon we can lose that perspective. Life isn't about perfection or having it all together all the time. It is about loving God with all our heart, mind, soul, and strength AND loving others too. Our church has a sign up when you arrive and it says so simply: Love God, Love People. That is what this side of life is about. I want to stop complicating that! So I am thankful to see my own crossroad. I will probably end up here again sooner than later- but I will continue to realign and begin again on the right path.

Thanksgiving...

As we celebrate one of the most wonderful holidays of the whole year, I hope and pray each of you are blessed beyond measure. It is a wonderful thing to be with people you love and make memories together. It is good to have a holiday that is about giving thanks for the things that we have, the things we may take for granted the rest of the year. I hope each of you will spend time reflecting and giving thanks for the blessings in your life.


Our day is being spent with one of the most wonderful families we know. We are doing something a bit different, but I am excited for it. We are doing a community dinner in the little country town they live in. Five turkeys and five hams will be cooked up and it is a potluck meal- so there will be quite a variety of food to choose from. We are honored to be with them this holiday. I do hope each of you are blessed today, with wherever you are and however you are celebrating.

I am so thankful for my family, friends, and the beautiful place we get to live in! I am thankful for Jesus Christ, and his love, grace, and mercy. I hope you are filled with love today for those around you.

May we also pray for those who are alone today and those who are hurting because they have lost a loved one. Lord may you be their strength today and cover them in your peace that passes all understanding.

Give thanks to the Lord for He is good, His love endures forever!

Eat, drink, and enjoy the fruit of your labor...

I read through Ecclesiastes a couple of months ago and have been pondering this statement. It is said at least 4 times in the short book and I want to glean the wisdom from this. We spend so much time going from one place to the next. For me, it is making lists and checking them off and then making more lists...like a hamster on a wheel- going round and round.

Yes, I enjoy parts of the labor, but most days I am running around so busy trying to get everything done, that I don't take time to stop and enjoy the journey. Sadly, I will exhaust myself long before I enjoy the day. Now, some days are just going to be non-stop busy- no getting around it- but what about the days we fill with things that aren't as necessary? Where has our day of rest gone? Mine became non-existent for some time. Thankfully, I have a husband who likes to take his day of rest after working so hard all week- so I am forced with learning this. :) It is something I have started teaching my kids too. They always have places to go, people to see, things to do. We are guarding Sunday's- as best we can- to have some quiet time, to reflect on things, to slow down and enjoy life instead of running to keep up.

I don't know where along life's path, I stopped taking time to enjoy life. The worries and stresses catch up with us and we can find that we haven't laughed in weeks or months! Now I have never struggled with the eating and drinking- those just happen naturally and over board at times. Nothing better than a pumpkin spice latte right now with a handful of chocolate covered coffee beans that melt in my mouth as I sip down the coffee. :) Also, I  have been on a big bruschetta kick lately...anyway- food and drink  are easy to fit in, but the "enjoy" is what I have lost. O, I want to enjoy life- moment by moment! It is tough though. So this is just as much me talking to myself as it is encouraging you- find things you enjoy and do them!

These words were written by. Solomon, the wisest man to ever live. He experienced so much in his life and had everything a heart desires and this, my friends, is his wisdom on life.


Eat, drink, and enjoy the fruit of your labor- don't spend all of your time go,go,going and do,do,doing that you forget to enjoy,joy,joy living.

Red Lights...

You know those days you have to be somewhere and you are running right on time just a little late and you hit EVERY RED LIGHT in your path! O those moments can be so frustrating. And goodness gracious- we have the longest wait at signals here- no joke! If you don't believe me drive through Medford, OR at some point and you will see I am not exaggerating. The worst is approaching the yellow as it is turning red- you know you just missed your chance to get through the intersection and now you play the waiting game...

It is so much like our life. We are hustling around trying to get from point A to point B and something unexpected brings us to a halt. My kids have witnessed my numerous one-sided conversations talking to the lights as they seem to invade my life when I don't want them too. They will understand someday. :)

I have realized that it is in the "Red Lights" of life we do the most growth, and sometimes we need to give ourselves the red light and be still. Too often we don't choose them though- they happen and we then must learn how to wait...There is strength in rest and waiting. It is hard to wait though. It is hard to have things happening around you and you be at a stand still. It is necessary for our growth and so may we not hinder our growth by fighting these times or making ourselves so busy we miss the lesson.

When the rubber meets the road...

Yes this is the main title for the blog, but it is where I find myself once again...

How do we get through the times in life that seem so hopeless? How do we find the strength to hold on when there seems to be nothing to hold on to? I had a college class today and the question was asked, "What word comes to mind when we think of spirituality?" My first thought was God, but as we had to share with people and I was still pondering it- the word that came to mind was- Hope. That is what my spirituality is- hope in more than this- hope in a God bigger than all of this.

O, how a heart can grieve. If you have never seen the movie "The 5th Quarter"- you should check it out. It is a heart wrencher, so be forewarned- keep kleenex close by. Today a friend of my daughter- lost a cousin. Recently in our community two kids died of cancer, a friend of my mom's just killed himself a week ago. How hard it can be to keep hope going when things seem so horrible around us.

Our family is going through a tough time and yes we can be thankful for many things- we are in good health and are blessed in many ways, but we have some tough things happening- out of our control. It has been a difficult time and today was another unexpected blow. My mind is racing, I am trying to fix it on the Lord and realign my perspective. But let me just be plain honest- it is so stinking hard! It is hard to keep hoping when things keep looking so grim.

So what do we do in these moments? How do we cope with the reality at hand? When the rubber meets the road- it hurts! There is no doubt about it! So I will do the only thing I can do- be still and know that God is God.

Lord I do come before you feeling so broken,

I know there are many people out there that are broken too

and so I lift them up as well right now. I pray for them, for their hurts and struggles.

Please God, we need you to move in a big way.

I feel like nothing short of a miracle is going to change our circumstances.

Please help our hearts to trust you, no matter what happens.

Please help us be thankful for the little things everyday, may we not take anything for granted.

You are bigger than our problems and I choose to trust you.

May we not be consumed with sorrow.

May we not allow our hearts to harden.

May we allow ourselves to hurt and then heal.

Your word says- sorrow may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning-

fill us with your joy Lord- not false joy, but pure, true joy.

Please help us be about serving others and showing your love to those we meet.

You are awesome and mighty

May we remember your ways are not our ways

your thoughts not our thoughts.

I choose to surrender to your will.

Amen

Well this is raw footage on the ground of my heart tonight.

Pressed, but not crushed, persecuted not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed.

Chickens, Ants, and things that make you go crazy!!

I recently was out of town visitng a friend. We were driving- chatting, catching up and without any warning, out of no where my friend says "O YA!" (or something like that) and hits the pedal to the metal driving quickly toward her fence for her livestock as she is laying on the horn going crazy. My feet swing up to brace me from the dash (yes I know that is not what you are suppose to do upon a collision- but it is my reaction), I am holding on for dear life trying to figure out what in the world was going on. She comes to a sharp halt just inches away from the fence- still yelling and laying on the horn... I am still laughing picturing it! From there she flies out of the driver seat and goes out running...over what?! What happened?! What was this all about?!... Chickens in her yard!

What is it that can drive you crazy?

For me it is ants- those things seem to turn up no matter where I live. It is not due to a lack of cleanliness, I feel like they just like making me crazy! I have researched them, looked up the few verses on them, even DVRed a show on them to figure out why they track me down appear wherever I am at. They show up in our bathrooms and kitchen- come out of outlets, floor vents, and any crack or crevice that exists. I have bombed, had someone come out and re-bomb, and those little critters WILL NOT DIE! I buy terro constantly- heard that is suppose to do the trick- I have terro shaken around my house, terro traps in garage, and liquid terro when they reach indoors. I will just wake one morning and they will be all over the place- o it makes me so furious! I have been known to talk to them- "Why are you back? What do you want from me?"
 My kids think I am nuts and really they about drive me there at times! Why, o why?!

I think there are lessons to learn in everything we experience...so maybe I am a slow learner! haha O it is funny how little things like this can just turn us into mad-women. Speaking of which to finish the chicken story- a little time goes by and we are in the house getting dinner ready and wouldn't you know it a chicken was in the garden, my friend wasted no time...she bolted out the door and I get to the window to watch her chasing that darn thing around until she caught up to it and "helped" that chicken remember where it belonged- on the other side of the fence. :) Good job Kirsten friend.

Share your story...what can take you from your calm day and turn you into a speeding maniac? It may not change anything, but it could bring laughter and a great memory as my friend did to me this weekend. LOL

Love, Hope, and Faith...



Did anyone see the story about the milk cow that gave birth to triplets on the news? I was laying in bed last night as my husband watched the news and it was such a great story. I think they said it is 1 in 8 million that a Holstein cow would have healthy triplets. So the man shares that him and his wife were thinking about what to name them and they came up with: Love, Hope and Faith. As the story wraps up, the news anchor describes each of these calf's personalitites that are displayed on the tv- they are the most awesome definitions for these words:

Love- was humble

Hope- was stubborn

Faith- was fearless

This is what we need to remember when the rubber meets the road in our lives. We need to live these things out. We need to be humble in love, stubborn in not giving up hope, and fearless in faith! I love when we are ministered to through the mundane things around us. I was so blessed by this and hope it blesses you too.

(note- the cows in photo are not the ones from the news story and the only story I found on line about this said love was shy- but I thought our story said humble- so just clarifying this though I am sticking with what I heard.)





How to love our children...

Love- a big word- meaning different things to different people- what is love to you? what is love for a parent to a child? or from a spouse to another? or one friend to another? it is the most important and intense emotion and action we experience. When I look up the definition in our dictionary- it leaves so much unanswered, such a small part of love is covered... "fondess, intense feeling of affection, romantic or sexual attachment"... Wow- we have missed the mark!

We have 1 Corinthians 13 that gives us a great definition of love. Love is patient, love is kind... Many of us may have part or all of that Scripture memorized- but do we live this defintion of love daily? No, I don't- this definition is fully encompassing and tough to walk all the time, day to day, moment by moment. So practically, today- I wonder how do I love my daughters like they need to be loved. How do I be what they need today, so they know how much I love them and support them? I tell them daily and send them facebooks and emails with the words, I love you- but what actions are they needing today, in their present situations? This is what is on my mind today.

I am seeing more and more that my season of parenting is shifting. For so long now, it has been about taking care of their daily needs, keeping things in order, having them on a schedule...my schedule. Now it is about their schedule and being available when they choose they want to talk, keeping later hours so I still am up to make sure they make it in safely at night, still holding them accountable- but in much different ways. The way they want love from me is changing and half the time I don't think they even know what they need- it is a big transitioning time.

The one things that will remain, even when they are not living at home is- me praying for them. It is the one thing I can do consistently on their behalf, that shows my love in action for them. So in a time that attitudes, styles, and friendships change so often- and I battle through how to show them my unconditional love- sometimes failing at living out what my heart feels for them- the one thing that will remain whether they are 10, 14, 17, 25, 40...at home, in college, or marriage with families of their own- is I will be in prayer for them.

My family!

Gray skies...

Today is such a day...gray skies.  It is noon and looks more like dusk. I find myself not very motivated to do much, but there is much to do- so I gotta get to it. Days like this- I wish we had a fire place- the flickering light from that makes up from the lack of light from the sunshine. I usually like days like this- but today I seem to be struggling with it.

I know why- because I need to go outside and work and who wants to go do that on a day like today? Bed seems to be calling my name, but I am trying to ignore that voice. I should have a meal in the crock pot or something to bring a cozy feel to this cold, gray day. The weather is  fitting to where we have been in life too. Just a bit gloomy, a bit unmotivated.

We all have seasons like this and we all have gotta figure out a way to snap out of it, or at least hang on and ride it out. What do you do to snap out of a gloomy day? I would like to know. Please share...

Days like today, I am extra thankful that my salvation is not based on my merit or works. Today is a good day of remembering who I am in God's eyes. Though this is seeming to be a "red light" day- lots of things not going as I would wish them to go- I am just thankful for a gracious husband- who really won't care to come home to a mess or late dinner (or no dinner-haha). I am thankful for days like this that make the other types of days- where a lot gets done- seem so much more victorious...I am thankful for music that can change the mood of a room, and I am thankful for the fact that gray skies don't last forever!

Ecclesiastes 3:1 "To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven..."

The road to a friend's house is never long...

Friendships are such a joy in life. I have been blessed with some of the most wonderful friends on this earth and I know there are more out there in my future. Friendships can be life long or for a season, but each one is beautiful and unique and I am so blessed to have each and every one.

Recently, one of my newest friends was over for dinner. I met her less than a year ago, and in the passed few months have spent a lot more time with her. I think this friend will be my sister-in-law in the future, Lord willing. We have had a "girls night dinner" a half a dozen times or so now and it has been one of the highlights of my week. I have never had a regular girls time out- like no kiddoes, just friends and me. I have always loved cooking and having company over, but this has been different, more just chit chat and relax. It has been a sweet time!

I am thankful for friendship- the laughter, the sharing life together, the deep conversations, the prayers we share, the iron sharpening iron that happens when we are together. Now with facebook at our fingertips, keeping in touch is a little easier, but there is something wonderful about sitting face to face with a friend and sharing life. It can lift our spirit, though circumstance hasn't change. The laughter is medicine for our souls.

So friends, thank you for your friendship. It is one of the sweetest things in my life! And know, my door is always open for coffee... :)

The road to a friend's house is never long... and always worth the travel too!

Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens the countenance of his friend. (NKJV)

Joy in Suffering...

As I think about this today- many things come to mind.
So I weed out the ones that are from fear- for that is lack of trust.
I take captive the ones that are the what ifs...and not in my present reality.
Battling through the myriad of things that flood my mind and I come to this...
To live is Christ, to die is gain.
Paul's words as he is in a prison and choosing joy in his sufferings.
To live is Christ- what does this mean to me?
My life is His. I should reflect Him in how I live, serve, accept the path before me...
He is my breath, my strength, my hope, my reason to get out of bed each day~
Yes, I love my family and they are who I am serving daily- but my life is about Jesus.
...to die is gain...
hmmm- thinking on this- do I view dying this way?
No, I don't. So I have more to learn here, so much more.
There are times I think to be "taken up" would be the easier thing, but I have lost the sight of the glory of it.
The truly wonderful life that awaits us after death here.
I need to remember this...for in remembering this, joy starts to surface in present sufferings.
In our sufferings, it is really hard to fabricate a false joy.
The rubber meets the road and we see what has filled our hearts.
In our sufferings, the wood and stubble and hay is blown away and we get a glimpse if there be any precious metals that need refined.
It is a season for reflection and tearing down,
but I can be confident of this:
He who began a good work in me, will be faithful to complete it.
I don't know the details of this and they aren't for me to know.
So I will choose to trust in Jesus, in His hand in my life.
I choose joy today, regardless of circumstances.
God is good, even when life is hard!

Being still before Him,

Rose

My Sweet, Strong Man...

He is quiet a lot of the time, hard working, loyal, and wiser than I am- alot of the time. Our marriage is real and raw- we get frustrated with each other, we have went to bed with a pillow down the center of the bed to assure that we have our own sides, we have not always made the right choices- but we love each other and when it isn't easy coming- we choose to love each other and make it through.

I give the man extra kudos because he lives in a home with four ladies. His main male companion is our black lab and he often refers to him as his son. Poor guy- really needs a man cave. He endures though, finding sanity in his sports- whether it is on tv or playing soccer or softball still. And all his hard work is for his family because we are what matters most to him. I appreciate him so much!

The biggest thing he has taught me is unconditional love. I have never had that from anyone else on this earth. I have realized this recently as I have been reflecting on alot of things. This man loves me when I really am so off my rocker- I barly can stand myself. He always compliments me, always sees me as beautiful- though as I have viewed pictures from years passed in my cut off orange sweats- I think wow- was he blind!! I was so hard on him early in our marraige, but I am so thankful for him in my life today. Yes, he can really irritate me more often than not- but I don't know what I would do without him.

He is an amazing man and I am thankful to be Mrs. Kelly Hillburn.

This is Kelly and I celebrating our 17th anniversary.

Teenagers...

I love my teenagers! Even before they reached "teen age" I was preparing my mind to see this time as fun and enjoyable (not that all of it would be- what stage of life is). I recommend two book that I have found so helpful for this season of life: Age of Opportunity , by Paul David Tripp- the title alone is a draw to me!! and the second I have just picked up this passed year- Boundaries with Teens, by John Townsend. The first book I have read through a few times and refer to when I need reminded of things.

Well this week, we were presented another teachable moment. One of my girls, lied to me and so we have had to deal with the consequences of a poor decision. It has been a week of heart ache on both parts and tears- again on both parts. So discipline has been dealt out and life moves forward. As a mom, we hope the lesson is learned, but only time will tell. These are wonderful opportunities to show grace and mercy to our children. We can show them unconditional love. It is hard sometimes to see passed our own frustration and to be the way we need to be for them, in the moment it matters most.

So it has been a tough week parenting a teen, but I am so excited watching my girls grow and learn through the ups and downs of life. I am so very proud of the little ladies they are turning into...I just wish they would slow it down a bit! Here are my three sweet children:

Seasons...

I am so thankful to live in a place that we get to have all four seasons. My most favorite season is fall. I love watching the leaves change colors, the coolness after a hot summer, and the holidays which brings baking and (usually) good smelling aromas!

Keira and I made carmel apples this week. We had fun and they were SO good! We tried thinking of all different kinds to make and we were successfull with some yummy treats!

In our lives, we also go through different season... some are more welcoming than others, but we can grow through every season we walk through. We can choose our attitude even when we can't choose our situations. I am in a season of this very thing. To guard my perspective and to be thankful for the good, and to not dwell on the present realities I cannot change right now. There is so much to be thankful for, so much to give praise about, and so as the book of Job declares-  "God gives and takes away, blessed be His name." I will walk in this today and take life moment by moment, enjoying the day I am living in.

Right now, we have some sunshine breaking through so Keira and I will head out for a walk.

Journey begins...

Well, I am staring a blog. I have thought about doing it a few times before and so we will see how it goes. My goal will be to write in it once a week. My hope is that in sharing, I may bring encouragement to someone else. I have a wonderful, hard working husband- Kelly- and three girls who truly are the best part of my life! I have been a stay at home mom and also a home school mom since the start. It has had its ups and downs, just like any other adventure in life- but it has been mostly a wonderful journey to date.

I have followed a couple of blogs off and on, but this is the first time I have ever done anything like this. I am excited to see how it goes!