Fresh starts...

Who doesn't look forward to a fresh start in life? We can get so caught up in the here and now and lose sight of the bigger picture. A fresh start is what I am desiring- in my walk with the Lord, my marriage, as a mom, etc. I am thankful to move out of the season that just wrapped up, but I desire an excitement for what is to come. I want to view life as an adventure. All adventures have their share of ups and downs, uncertainties and surprises, thrills and excitement. I am looking for the Lord's hand in all of it and trusting and believing He is in every bit of it.

We have a lot of rebuilding to do under our roof. I have spent a lot of time this past year grieving the changes that are inevitably taking place-a big one being... my kiddoes growing up...I keep praying I will embrace them and I have struggled with this, but something changed in me today. I was writing back and forth with a sweet friend who just lost her mom this past week. Her mom leaves an amazing legacy of a lover of Jesus and her daughter has had such respect and love for her. In the midst of our writing back and forth- one of the final things she wrote was- "I don't know who I am or how to be without her here, but I am still functioning." And then she wrote-" I am so blessed she was my momma!"

I have reread this a few times and it fills my heart with so much awe and joy because that is success! We can get so caught up in finances, jobs, paying bills, our needs and our wants- but really when it all comes down to what matters most- it is love! To love and to be loved is the biggest treasure we can have. What a reminder for us as we strive for "things" too often. Yes, we want the love and it isn't that we forsake it, but we can forget the importance of it in the other pursuits of our day to day life.

So my fresh start is coming back to that which matters most- love. And first and most importantly- to love my Lord more. To know Him, experience Him, trust Him, believe Him. I do want to learn to be content in whatever season and circumstance I am in. So I am looking at it like I am on an adventure. I am comforted to know that at the end of it awaits heaven. With this in mind, I don't have to fret so much daily over my circumstance. Even if it is tough- this part is short in comparison. And whether we are blessed with little or much, I will live a full life and leave a legacy with my daughters like this sweet woman did with hers.

My children...

We heard it all the time when we had babies- "O the time will go so fast" and as the toddlers become school age we heard "Wow they are getting so big"- and now we are the ones saying "O my goodness, where has the time gone! They are nearly adults!" Yes, it is true- those sleepless nights that once seemed as though they would not end- have been long gone and now we are preparing for SAT's and looking at colleges! Wow, a few blinks and here we are.

The thing is- I LOVE being a mom! I love my kids being here and hanging out on the weekends. Each night when we watch the news at about 10:05ish the chief of police comes on asking if we know where our kids are and I love to say- Yes, they are all in their beds, sleeping safe and sound! (Silly- maybe but in the same sense- I know too soon those days are coming that they won't all be under the same roof.) I get it, I know it is the way it suppose to be. Parenting is a temporary job. I fought the beginning stages of parenting back in 1994 and had a lot of selfishness to die to along the way, but now I am grieving the season changing.

Mind you I know not all of them are about to flee the nest, and I would love for them to hang around for their first year or two of college, but the fact is- we are on the downward slope of this mountain. I am so thankful for the uniqueness each of them have brought to our family and I am so proud of them.

Things I have seen recently that are treasures in my heart: Keira taking a spelling test and because it was a review list- she had some words showing on her paper and she took time to scratch it all out so she would not be able to cheat. She has done things like this on her own many times. I love that each Sunday she remembers to bring her own communion cracker because she doesn't like the ones at church. We go to grab the cup and she pulls her cracker out of her pocket week after week. haha I love their faithfulness when they say they are going to do something- like read for a timed amount of time- they do it to the sound of the buzzer. My oldest, Marisa, will disagree with choice of clothing, but most days she will come back out having changed into something I approve of- though I didn't "make" her do so. My Shyla- has shared some wise insight recently and it just made my heart swell with joy. She is gaining wisdom as she fumbles through her first year of high school. She has always been so encouraging to her older sister too in the many things Marisa has done from gymnastics to soccer to writing and singing songs. It has not all been easy- life isn't easy. These moments are so precious to me- seeing their character take shape and I love to see them choose right- not because I am standing over them, but because they want to do it the right way. I hope and pray they will always come back to this place- even if they detour for brief periods of time. They are so much wiser than I was at their ages. I am blessed beyond measure to be their mom.


Just one of those mommy kind of days that I am playing the reel of life through my mind and I must say- thank you Lord. I am so very appreciative for this life you have given me to walk in. Some days and seasons are tough (and this is one presently) but I still have so much to give thanks for. Just their breath of life today is a gift. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Eyes that see...

In the midst of trials we encounter, there is a greater awareness that can surface at times. For the past few weeks as I have been seeking God's way out of where I am at- something bigger has happened. I have seen things that I would most likely have been too busy to notice otherwise. Things like-

people embracing w/tears sliding down their cheeks, an older man praying over his wife, a little girl clapping off beat, kids walking home from school just chatting and being kids

but with all these things-I see beyond what my eyes take in- like the dreams and desires that they each stand for, battles we all go through and the simple pleasures in life like laughter-and these are the thoughts in my head-

Your loving kindness is better than life. The riches of your love will always be enough- even if nothing gets better. I want to breath you in and out- filled with more of You. May I be open to being poured out for your glory and purpose. And again and again I hear- "no sweeter name" than Jesus.

So on I go- taking it in, but honestly I have been so busy that I haven't fully thought about it all until today. Today is the day I record these swirling thoughts down. I know God is at work and I know I don't need to figure out how or why, but I just need to receive it and be open and listening for His sweet voice. I hope you take time today to hear His voice. There is nothing more precious nor more important than Him. I forget that at times, but that is what He is reminding me of, in my present circumstances. Nothing is a guarantee this side of heaven. The Lord gives and takes away and I pray often that I will be able to say in every step of it- Blessed be Your name. It is a tough thing as the rubber meets the road. May we have eyes that see His way and purpose and when we can't get there- may we just trust and serve Him. Phil 4:4-13 Lord may I live these verses out. Rejoice in the Lord always and again I will say, rejoice! Be anxious for nothing...think on the true and pure and right things...content in all situations...and walk in Christ's strength.

Fix it queen...

Does that describe anyone else?  Why do we, as women, wanna fix things in other people?

Well, I am trying to put down the "fix-it" title. I know it is the Lord who makes lasting change, but I am always a bit too eager to help Him along- though He is not asking for my help. :) *blushing* And who do we want to fix most often??? Our spouses and children- right? I mean mother knows best!!... No- God knows best. ;)

So we go through life being others "Holy Spirit Helpers" driving ourselves a bit crazy because bottom line- Only God can  reach the heart to "fix" things and it has to be a choice from the individual needing the fixing. Last March, so almost a year ago, I had been praying for my wonderful spouse because he wasn't seeing things as clearly as "I thought" he should (haha) and he needed to do something- as far as "I" was concerned. (again blushing) So I am in the Word, praying, writing in my journal, and God shows me something for myself... I am reading about Abraham and Sarah and God telling them they will have a child in their old age... and during their waiting Sarah, aka "fix it queen" thinks she has figured out a way to make God's plan happen and so they act on it- Abe and Hagar have a baby- which causes a big ol mess and the rest is history...so I am reading that and God shows me- don't try and figure things out Rose. Trust, pray, wait and I will work...I, yes I, will bring it about. (sheepishly grinning and blushing more)- ok God. God has it figured out. He knows what we need and what is best for our growth as well as those we love. So we are closing in on a year of me being in this place, a year of me living moment by moment, of struggling through my own impatience, and longing for this season to end. It must not be time yet because we are still here, so I will continue to trust, pray, and wait. I am so thankful the Lord showed me this- I would hate to have made a mess of something that God already has worked out in his time. He is the "Fix It King"!!

So Lord, may I be your maidservant in prayer, serving joyfully day by day, walking in full assurance that you got this! You got it all under control and you are so powerful and awesome that I do not need to jump in and save the day- You already have! I am so thankful for you Lord. Thank you for your Holy Spirit guiding us moment by moment. Fill us with your love that we may overflow to those around us.

Standing in awe...

Today was a day I stood in awe. A day where tears filled my eyes to watch what took place. It was not that something grand took place, or even something that anyone else would know or care about aside from the handful of eyewitnesses here. However, my heart was moved and I give praise to the Lord for what I saw.

It was really quite a simple thing- it was my witnessing someone do something kind for someone else- with no expectation of return or even recognition or gratitude needed. It was the sweetest, purest form of servanthood and it touched my heart. It challenged me to seek opportunities to bless others just for the sake of blessing them, no returns desired.

Maybe part of my standing in awe is linked to the miracle attached to it. Regardless though, all I can say is that I stood in awe of God's hand at work in front of my eyes. Every good and perfect gift is from above and so when something so good and perfect is bestowed upon someone else- that is from the Lord. He deserves the glory and so I say- glory to God! :)

This is the time of year so many of us make our resolutions and want to change things about ourselves. This year I didn't make resolutions- I just want to press forward, to know Christ more, and to be about the greatest commandment- to love Him and others...that is what I saw displayed today and it (obviously) deeply moved me. And it isn't a New Year's resolution- it is my life pursuit. I hope your eyes would witness something like this and that it would tug on your heart to act upon it...better yet, be this example for someone else to witness and have a tug on their heart. :)

Miracles DO happen...

There is something that is happening in my life that I cannot contain my excitement! It has been a very long season of extreme hurts and sadness and really at times fighting a feeling of hopelessness. And today, this very night- that which seemed impossible has become a possibility. O how full of joy I am at this moment.

Have you had something like this happened to you? I know that in time, the wonder wears off and it becomes a normal thing in our lives- but remember that feeling when it was all unfolding or working out when it didn't seem it would. Remember how amazing that moment was. I will treasure this in my heart for the rest of my life and it will be a testimony I will remember the next time I am standing on the edge of no hope, with something that seems impossible and I will declare that "All things are possible with God!"

Today, I rejoice in the labor of prayers being heard and answered. And I want to encourage anyone who has prayers that aren't answered yet...don't lose hope. Even when something has happened that seems irreversible- hold on to the promises of God because He does not see things the way we do. He has a plan and one day we will be able to understand. For today- keep praying and keep hope alive. God does hear us and He is faithful to do His work in each of us.

Merry Christmas friends! Jesus is the reason we celebrate- not just this day, but each day we are given. May you all be blessed beyond measure- not just by material gifts, but by the gift of love- for there is no greater gift than this.

Good, Better, Best...

When my girls were little we put a tune to a poem. I believe it stemmed from a study I had been doing at the time. Anyway, it goes like this:

Good, Better, Best

Never let it rest

Until your Good is Better

and your Better is Best.

If you ever see my girls, ask them to sing it for you- I am sure the tune is forever engrained in their minds. :) heehee I hope it does stick with them through their lives. We can so easily settle for less than the best and why? We should want what's best- in our school work and grades, in our marriage or single life, in our friendships, parenting, etc.

This is so fitting with a sign I read a couple of weeks back- "Your reputation is not built on things you are going to do." We must have our actions showing our words are true. We must be living out the choice of better life daily to get to the best of life we can have. It doesn't just happen and it doesn't come easy.

I try and take time to reflect on where I am at in my heart of hearts. I seek to see if there is anything hiding out in closets deep inside of me (ie bitterness, grudges, jealousy, etc) and deal with it. I want to live out a good, better, best life- to come to the end of my life- whenever it may be- and know that I fully lived out the life I was given and have no regrets- to live as Christ would have me live (for He alone knows what is best). Don't you want that too?

During this time of year, we can get so caught up in the gifts, preparations, and decorations that we can forget the best part of this season. The time we get to spend with family (even those difficult to deal with) and the memory we get to make is the best part of the season. Sharing Christ's love and a servant's heart with those in our community is the best thing we can do. Roads are so busy- so many people fill the malls and stores. Smile, help someone out, share a little bit of your time...this is where the rubber meets the road in truly loving others. 

RLM...

RLM= Red Light Moment :)
Well, this past week I was driving through town and, of course, hit the light at Biddle and McAndrews...yes, at the turn from yellow to red...ugh! But I was not in so much of a hurry and I was enjoying the sun's rays coming through my window on the cold fall day- my view turned to the cars passing through their green light and I was looking at them as they drove through...as they each passed, I took notice of the people IN the cars- and had the thought- my red lights are others green lights. No, not deep- but stick with me here...They all have places they want to get to as well- and sometimes we are so focused on the immediate destination we are heading that we lose sight of the bigger picture. I saw a clear view of my perspective- I am selfish! I want green lights all the time- I don't want to be stopped by red lights...EVER! But at times- my red light moments are green lights for people around me.

This applies to my marriage, my parenting, my friendships...etc. It can't always be my way- that is not the way things work. I don't normally think of myself as being self-absorbed (who that is self-absorbed does?) ha!! You know what though- I can be! I am too often about myself, my feelings, my plans.

I have been reading through a book called, "The Royal Way of the Cross" by Fenelon and I can't get passed this chapter. It is a red light moment I am taking for myself because I need to grasp at least a piece of this passage...the title of the chapter is, "On Christian Perfection" and the start of it says:

"Christian perfection is not the strict, wearisome constrained thing many suppose it to be. It requires us to give ourselves to God with our whole heart, and so soon as this is accomplished, whatever we are called upon to do for God becomes easy. Those who are wholly God's are always satisfied, for they desire only that which he wills, and are ready to do whatever he requires."

The following three pages in this chapter have had me captivated for about a week now. There is more than where we are right now. There is more to life than this. Sometimes we grasp it and then too soon we can lose that perspective. Life isn't about perfection or having it all together all the time. It is about loving God with all our heart, mind, soul, and strength AND loving others too. Our church has a sign up when you arrive and it says so simply: Love God, Love People. That is what this side of life is about. I want to stop complicating that! So I am thankful to see my own crossroad. I will probably end up here again sooner than later- but I will continue to realign and begin again on the right path.

Thanksgiving...

As we celebrate one of the most wonderful holidays of the whole year, I hope and pray each of you are blessed beyond measure. It is a wonderful thing to be with people you love and make memories together. It is good to have a holiday that is about giving thanks for the things that we have, the things we may take for granted the rest of the year. I hope each of you will spend time reflecting and giving thanks for the blessings in your life.


Our day is being spent with one of the most wonderful families we know. We are doing something a bit different, but I am excited for it. We are doing a community dinner in the little country town they live in. Five turkeys and five hams will be cooked up and it is a potluck meal- so there will be quite a variety of food to choose from. We are honored to be with them this holiday. I do hope each of you are blessed today, with wherever you are and however you are celebrating.

I am so thankful for my family, friends, and the beautiful place we get to live in! I am thankful for Jesus Christ, and his love, grace, and mercy. I hope you are filled with love today for those around you.

May we also pray for those who are alone today and those who are hurting because they have lost a loved one. Lord may you be their strength today and cover them in your peace that passes all understanding.

Give thanks to the Lord for He is good, His love endures forever!

Love, Hope, and Faith...



Did anyone see the story about the milk cow that gave birth to triplets on the news? I was laying in bed last night as my husband watched the news and it was such a great story. I think they said it is 1 in 8 million that a Holstein cow would have healthy triplets. So the man shares that him and his wife were thinking about what to name them and they came up with: Love, Hope and Faith. As the story wraps up, the news anchor describes each of these calf's personalitites that are displayed on the tv- they are the most awesome definitions for these words:

Love- was humble

Hope- was stubborn

Faith- was fearless

This is what we need to remember when the rubber meets the road in our lives. We need to live these things out. We need to be humble in love, stubborn in not giving up hope, and fearless in faith! I love when we are ministered to through the mundane things around us. I was so blessed by this and hope it blesses you too.

(note- the cows in photo are not the ones from the news story and the only story I found on line about this said love was shy- but I thought our story said humble- so just clarifying this though I am sticking with what I heard.)





How to love our children...

Love- a big word- meaning different things to different people- what is love to you? what is love for a parent to a child? or from a spouse to another? or one friend to another? it is the most important and intense emotion and action we experience. When I look up the definition in our dictionary- it leaves so much unanswered, such a small part of love is covered... "fondess, intense feeling of affection, romantic or sexual attachment"... Wow- we have missed the mark!

We have 1 Corinthians 13 that gives us a great definition of love. Love is patient, love is kind... Many of us may have part or all of that Scripture memorized- but do we live this defintion of love daily? No, I don't- this definition is fully encompassing and tough to walk all the time, day to day, moment by moment. So practically, today- I wonder how do I love my daughters like they need to be loved. How do I be what they need today, so they know how much I love them and support them? I tell them daily and send them facebooks and emails with the words, I love you- but what actions are they needing today, in their present situations? This is what is on my mind today.

I am seeing more and more that my season of parenting is shifting. For so long now, it has been about taking care of their daily needs, keeping things in order, having them on a schedule...my schedule. Now it is about their schedule and being available when they choose they want to talk, keeping later hours so I still am up to make sure they make it in safely at night, still holding them accountable- but in much different ways. The way they want love from me is changing and half the time I don't think they even know what they need- it is a big transitioning time.

The one things that will remain, even when they are not living at home is- me praying for them. It is the one thing I can do consistently on their behalf, that shows my love in action for them. So in a time that attitudes, styles, and friendships change so often- and I battle through how to show them my unconditional love- sometimes failing at living out what my heart feels for them- the one thing that will remain whether they are 10, 14, 17, 25, 40...at home, in college, or marriage with families of their own- is I will be in prayer for them.

My family!

My Sweet, Strong Man...

He is quiet a lot of the time, hard working, loyal, and wiser than I am- alot of the time. Our marriage is real and raw- we get frustrated with each other, we have went to bed with a pillow down the center of the bed to assure that we have our own sides, we have not always made the right choices- but we love each other and when it isn't easy coming- we choose to love each other and make it through.

I give the man extra kudos because he lives in a home with four ladies. His main male companion is our black lab and he often refers to him as his son. Poor guy- really needs a man cave. He endures though, finding sanity in his sports- whether it is on tv or playing soccer or softball still. And all his hard work is for his family because we are what matters most to him. I appreciate him so much!

The biggest thing he has taught me is unconditional love. I have never had that from anyone else on this earth. I have realized this recently as I have been reflecting on alot of things. This man loves me when I really am so off my rocker- I barly can stand myself. He always compliments me, always sees me as beautiful- though as I have viewed pictures from years passed in my cut off orange sweats- I think wow- was he blind!! I was so hard on him early in our marraige, but I am so thankful for him in my life today. Yes, he can really irritate me more often than not- but I don't know what I would do without him.

He is an amazing man and I am thankful to be Mrs. Kelly Hillburn.

This is Kelly and I celebrating our 17th anniversary.