As I am moving through the house this morning folding laundry, doing dishes, restocking bathroom supplies, etc. my mind is going on all these tangents in regards to others. Some are prayers on their behalf, others are one-sided conversations in my head, and through it all- my desire is to figure out the right thing to do or to encourage someone else to do. In the midst of all this chatter in my head, I see where my heart needs work, where I am not as patient or loving as I ought to be. So then I am confessing this and starting to feel this weight of impossibility of victory in this life.
Well worship music was going on in the background and the song, "I Surrender" came on and it was like the Lord just spoke this into my thoughts at just the right time and I realized that my prayer for all the chaos going on- whether it be in my own life or in those lives close to me- it really is simply to surrender...
Surrender to His will, which does seem more complex at times, but it is to love...when we don't know what to do- love...drop to our knees before Him, be desperate for Him...
Lord have your way in me, cuz I want to know you more.
I hear the words...and know that we sing this and mean it, but then things come up and we want our way...we stop choosing surrender...
It is a process, I get that.
It is a battle, I experience it daily.
It is a constant choice that I fail to make at times.
However as the chaos ping-pongs back and forth in my head, I realize, I can be still before the Lord and it may take some time, but I can quiet my mind before Him and remember my decision of surrender, and remind myself that He has all things under His reign and He is Sovereign. It still is hard to accept things at times- when your child is ill and no one can tell you why for sure, but give their best guess...when people you love cause you harm...but it is possible. One day we will be with Him and see Him as we long to.
Until that day I pray for an increasing ability to be surrendered to Him.
An increase in the ability to love like He loves.
An increase in understanding His love for me.
Zephaniah 3:17 "The Lord your God in your midst, the Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love.He will rejoice over you with singing."
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