A Moment of Surrender...

As the waves of struggle continue, I have seen my many short comings, felt true loneliness, and experienced being fully worn out from emotional exhaustion. There is no way to count the times I have heard those near me say, "Let it go..." My response is, "Please show me how to do this practically!" I want to let it go. I want to care less for the betterment of all and my own health. I seem to be wired differently though. I seem to care too much. I don't say this in any way to put a notch on my credentials, for I have found that it really isn't a notch up as much as it is a spiral down much too often. I am just sharing this all to be fully vulnerable before you because there is something great I have to share.

My marriage has been struggling. (no that is not the great share, haha) Of course in the midst of all the turmoils over the past many years, it would be silly to think it wouldn't. And as those close to me would testify- we didn't have a fairy tale start, so not a big surprise. Like all relationships the fault lies on both parts and the intent of this blog isn't to discuss my marriage...again just shedding light on the picture.

For years now I have felt very distant from the Lord. I keep trying to find my way back and at times I rest in where I am at but I desire more...so much more! Recently there have been these moments that something from the past is brought to my present and it is like a movie screen before my eyes as if I am watching parts of my life...times where I was sure the Lord was leading me...the place I have longed to be again.

Well this morning was one of those moments. I opened the Scripture randomly and it fell open to 1 Corinthians 7... (if a light isn't going off in you as to what this Scripture is...pause and give it a quick glance). I read it knowing it was what I needed to take in and as I came to the end of it, I just closed my eyes and took some deep cleansing breaths...something I have learned to do in such a way that it is very relaxing in my times of anxiousness. ;) As I did this, the Lord brought me back to a time in 1997 where I had surrendered my marriage before Him and committed to walk the rest of my days in obedience to Him and not seek my own way in it...something I have stopped doing in the midst of my lengthy season of struggles.

As I sat there, eyes closed...(the great part)... I felt a true moment of surrender. I felt the Lord near. For a moment I experienced a sense of hope again. Oh how wonderful it was to sit there and rest in that inner peace I have longed for. Let me say...I have sat still many times and the weight remains, the heaviness is upon my heart, but this morning was different. This morning I felt a victory I haven't felt in a very long time.

For a moment, I was able to "let it all go." The battle will war on...I am fully aware of that, but the reminder of Him and His love makes it all worth it, and the strength I felt in that moment reminded me that though I am weak, He is strong and will work His plan in my life. The reminder of what I laid down over 20 years ago brought newness to my current situation at a time I really needed it.

I hope you will take the 6 1/2 minutes to watch this worship video! The words and video are so powerful! Use this moment to re-surrender...or maybe for the first time ever, surrender your heart fully before the Lord.