Red lights for days...

With me this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.

I know the first part of that statement is true- I am living it. I believe the second part of that statement is true- I am clinging to it.

2 Kings 7:4 (paraphrased by me) We are doomed no matter what we do! So surrender and what will be, will be.

And Elisha's words came true- from faminie to feast, from sorrow to joy, from hopelessness to celebration.

I do not know how our present situation will turn out, but I know that I can not change my circumstances so I will seek the One who can. In fact from my perspective, all looks hopeless. I have been seeking to be filled, but taking in the wrong stuff. Like when we need a good healthy breakfast but go for the maple bar- it still leaves us feeling empty or sick. My mind has been absorbed on all that is lost, all that I have desired and can't obtain.

God your ways are higher than my ways and your thoughts greater than my thoughts! May I rest in that today. I will sit at the red lights until you show me which ones are green.

Acceptance with Joy...

For months now I have been praying about joy, or my lack of it. I have been searching for the "secret" to it. Abide in God- well that is the secret for everything, but when you are abiding and still no joy- what then? When it takes every ounce of energy to get through your day doing the bare minimum how do you even try to seek joy? Well, I have come across a little passage in a book that leaped out at me and I am devouring it in prayer and thought. It is from the book Hinds Feet on High Places and it says:

I've learned that I must accept with joy all that you allowed to happen to me on the way and everything to which the path led me! That I was never to try to evade it but accept it and lay down my own will on the altar and say, "Behold me, I am thy little handmaiden Acceptance-with-Joy. (p 240)

So I have read and reread this because I want to learn this and live this out. Lord, I am your handmaiden and you may do as you wish with me and my life. I am here to be poured out before you and I pray you find my life a reasonable sacrifice to you. I am so very grateful for You and all you have done in my life, for I see that without you I would have been full of misery and bondage. I am truly so appreciative and pray only that I may be more bold for your name's sake. In time I look forward to being filled with rapturous joy! I desire only to do your will, so please help me see your direction and hear your voice.

O- one more thing I must share about the book- in case you have never read it- (and if you haven't I recommend doing so)...the companions that travel with the main character are Sorrow and Suffering, but in time they get new names and guess what they might be...(read the book to find out). haha :)

Have a blessed weekend!
In His love and strength,
Rose

One month...

It has been a tough month in our home. We are getting by moment by moment, but it hasn't been pretty and it hasn't been easy. In this time, I am thankful for those around us who care so much. Those who pray for us and have served us in numerous ways. Through this time, I am thankful for God and the strength He provides when we have no strength of our own. It is a moment by moment process we are in, never knowing when we are all all of the sudden overwhelmed with grief that seizes us like it did initially- the heaviness of heart- an ever present reminder that our loved one is gone.

Of course we have all walked the road of regrets- could've, should've, would've- we have searched the photo albums, shared stories, dealt with the material possessions, and now treasure those things that were so precious to him. They don't replace what's lost, but they are dearer today than they were before because he isn't here anymore. O how we would give them all up for the presence of him though.

We have faced the fact that it is going to be a tough time moving forward. We will be flooded by saddness by the very thought or sight of certain things that trigger memory. O how my heart aches for my parents- every parents worst nightmare. Many live through it though- forever changed, forever heart broken.

I seek God day and night for peace of where he is for eternity and I get nothing but silence. O- I hear Him in other things- like check your childs phone or pray for your friend- but no answer to- please tell me he is with You. I just want to know He is with you. Nothing but my heart beat answers back and tears flow.

Life has been turned upside down for me. I do what I have to do in my day. I seek the Lord for comfort and direction. I know I don't walk this road alone- it is a road travelled frequently. I also know the Lord will get me through. I know that no matter how down I am I will say blessed be your name- you give and you take away. I know that I long for heaven more and more each passing day, and I know the Lord hears my prayers even when I feel like they aren't getting through.

God has a plan and I will continue to remind myself of that as I struggle through this season. I will say though- if you are reading this and someone is on your heart to share Jesus with- pray for an opportunity. Cuz in the end- when a life is over on this earth the only thing that matters is- did they love Jesus? We know this and at times live it out, but when you do lose someone- you will find yourself saying- I could've done more, I should've said more, I wanted to show more of Jesus... and the reality is- it is too late now.