We have hit the two year mark of my brothers unexpected and unnecessary death. I have learned a lot about grief in these past two years. I have walked through the different stages and continue to walk them. I have struggled in deep waters emotionally, spiritually, and physically through this time. I also have seen life move forward, as it always does, as I knew it would from the moment the news reached my ears. Life is different now though.
Life will forever be different.
The majority of this road of sorrow has taken place in the quiet, behind closed doors. There are two days a year you feel free to speak out about it- his birthday and his death anniversary. His birthday is New Years Eve- and most are celebrating. So this is the day I will speak about it~ the day I will shout out to my little world-
I MISS HIM SO MUCH STILL!
I still think about him every day. I still fight back tears at moments notice, when something triggers a thought or memory- unexpectedly- of him. I still beg God for a vision that he is in heaven.
There are lessons I am learning as I move forward day by day-
First- as I read the Word there is comfort. God is faithful to comfort through His Word.
Second- Life is precious, influence is huge. I wish parents, siblings, and friends grasp this to the depth it should be grasp. Your influence can make a difference- does make a difference. For good or evil is determined by your choices.
Third- Acceptance with Joy- as Hinds Feet on High Places says- I have walked along the Sea of Lonliness, my only companions were Sorrow and Suffering and in that place I learned Acceptance with Joy.
It is not easy, it is not fun. It is necessary to continue to move forward and heal.
I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world. John 16:33
We will all go through loss in life. Just know when you do, you aren't alone. Even as the world moves on, the Lord is near those broken and He does tend our wounds. That doesn't mean the sorrow stops or the pain ceases, but He will be with us even in the deep places and the quiet grief we continue to walk.
