Indefatigable...

A word I come across in my devotion today and I love it- it is the opposite of me and it is so what I need. It comforts me because it is what God's love is for us...

Indefatigable- incapable of being fatigued; inexhaustible; persistant

God's love for us is indefatigable! Isn't that awesome! O how thankful I am for the love of the Lord. For when everything else seems in a tailspin- it is our one constant- even when we don't feel it or see it we can know that:

...neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalites nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to seperate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

 What comfort! What security! The love of the Lord never ceases.

Red lights for days...

With me this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.

I know the first part of that statement is true- I am living it. I believe the second part of that statement is true- I am clinging to it.

2 Kings 7:4 (paraphrased by me) We are doomed no matter what we do! So surrender and what will be, will be.

And Elisha's words came true- from faminie to feast, from sorrow to joy, from hopelessness to celebration.

I do not know how our present situation will turn out, but I know that I can not change my circumstances so I will seek the One who can. In fact from my perspective, all looks hopeless. I have been seeking to be filled, but taking in the wrong stuff. Like when we need a good healthy breakfast but go for the maple bar- it still leaves us feeling empty or sick. My mind has been absorbed on all that is lost, all that I have desired and can't obtain.

God your ways are higher than my ways and your thoughts greater than my thoughts! May I rest in that today. I will sit at the red lights until you show me which ones are green.

Acceptance with Joy...

For months now I have been praying about joy, or my lack of it. I have been searching for the "secret" to it. Abide in God- well that is the secret for everything, but when you are abiding and still no joy- what then? When it takes every ounce of energy to get through your day doing the bare minimum how do you even try to seek joy? Well, I have come across a little passage in a book that leaped out at me and I am devouring it in prayer and thought. It is from the book Hinds Feet on High Places and it says:

I've learned that I must accept with joy all that you allowed to happen to me on the way and everything to which the path led me! That I was never to try to evade it but accept it and lay down my own will on the altar and say, "Behold me, I am thy little handmaiden Acceptance-with-Joy. (p 240)

So I have read and reread this because I want to learn this and live this out. Lord, I am your handmaiden and you may do as you wish with me and my life. I am here to be poured out before you and I pray you find my life a reasonable sacrifice to you. I am so very grateful for You and all you have done in my life, for I see that without you I would have been full of misery and bondage. I am truly so appreciative and pray only that I may be more bold for your name's sake. In time I look forward to being filled with rapturous joy! I desire only to do your will, so please help me see your direction and hear your voice.

O- one more thing I must share about the book- in case you have never read it- (and if you haven't I recommend doing so)...the companions that travel with the main character are Sorrow and Suffering, but in time they get new names and guess what they might be...(read the book to find out). haha :)

Have a blessed weekend!
In His love and strength,
Rose

One month...

It has been a tough month in our home. We are getting by moment by moment, but it hasn't been pretty and it hasn't been easy. In this time, I am thankful for those around us who care so much. Those who pray for us and have served us in numerous ways. Through this time, I am thankful for God and the strength He provides when we have no strength of our own. It is a moment by moment process we are in, never knowing when we are all all of the sudden overwhelmed with grief that seizes us like it did initially- the heaviness of heart- an ever present reminder that our loved one is gone.

Of course we have all walked the road of regrets- could've, should've, would've- we have searched the photo albums, shared stories, dealt with the material possessions, and now treasure those things that were so precious to him. They don't replace what's lost, but they are dearer today than they were before because he isn't here anymore. O how we would give them all up for the presence of him though.

We have faced the fact that it is going to be a tough time moving forward. We will be flooded by saddness by the very thought or sight of certain things that trigger memory. O how my heart aches for my parents- every parents worst nightmare. Many live through it though- forever changed, forever heart broken.

I seek God day and night for peace of where he is for eternity and I get nothing but silence. O- I hear Him in other things- like check your childs phone or pray for your friend- but no answer to- please tell me he is with You. I just want to know He is with you. Nothing but my heart beat answers back and tears flow.

Life has been turned upside down for me. I do what I have to do in my day. I seek the Lord for comfort and direction. I know I don't walk this road alone- it is a road travelled frequently. I also know the Lord will get me through. I know that no matter how down I am I will say blessed be your name- you give and you take away. I know that I long for heaven more and more each passing day, and I know the Lord hears my prayers even when I feel like they aren't getting through.

God has a plan and I will continue to remind myself of that as I struggle through this season. I will say though- if you are reading this and someone is on your heart to share Jesus with- pray for an opportunity. Cuz in the end- when a life is over on this earth the only thing that matters is- did they love Jesus? We know this and at times live it out, but when you do lose someone- you will find yourself saying- I could've done more, I should've said more, I wanted to show more of Jesus... and the reality is- it is too late now.

Fresh starts...

Who doesn't look forward to a fresh start in life? We can get so caught up in the here and now and lose sight of the bigger picture. A fresh start is what I am desiring- in my walk with the Lord, my marriage, as a mom, etc. I am thankful to move out of the season that just wrapped up, but I desire an excitement for what is to come. I want to view life as an adventure. All adventures have their share of ups and downs, uncertainties and surprises, thrills and excitement. I am looking for the Lord's hand in all of it and trusting and believing He is in every bit of it.

We have a lot of rebuilding to do under our roof. I have spent a lot of time this past year grieving the changes that are inevitably taking place-a big one being... my kiddoes growing up...I keep praying I will embrace them and I have struggled with this, but something changed in me today. I was writing back and forth with a sweet friend who just lost her mom this past week. Her mom leaves an amazing legacy of a lover of Jesus and her daughter has had such respect and love for her. In the midst of our writing back and forth- one of the final things she wrote was- "I don't know who I am or how to be without her here, but I am still functioning." And then she wrote-" I am so blessed she was my momma!"

I have reread this a few times and it fills my heart with so much awe and joy because that is success! We can get so caught up in finances, jobs, paying bills, our needs and our wants- but really when it all comes down to what matters most- it is love! To love and to be loved is the biggest treasure we can have. What a reminder for us as we strive for "things" too often. Yes, we want the love and it isn't that we forsake it, but we can forget the importance of it in the other pursuits of our day to day life.

So my fresh start is coming back to that which matters most- love. And first and most importantly- to love my Lord more. To know Him, experience Him, trust Him, believe Him. I do want to learn to be content in whatever season and circumstance I am in. So I am looking at it like I am on an adventure. I am comforted to know that at the end of it awaits heaven. With this in mind, I don't have to fret so much daily over my circumstance. Even if it is tough- this part is short in comparison. And whether we are blessed with little or much, I will live a full life and leave a legacy with my daughters like this sweet woman did with hers.

My children...

We heard it all the time when we had babies- "O the time will go so fast" and as the toddlers become school age we heard "Wow they are getting so big"- and now we are the ones saying "O my goodness, where has the time gone! They are nearly adults!" Yes, it is true- those sleepless nights that once seemed as though they would not end- have been long gone and now we are preparing for SAT's and looking at colleges! Wow, a few blinks and here we are.

The thing is- I LOVE being a mom! I love my kids being here and hanging out on the weekends. Each night when we watch the news at about 10:05ish the chief of police comes on asking if we know where our kids are and I love to say- Yes, they are all in their beds, sleeping safe and sound! (Silly- maybe but in the same sense- I know too soon those days are coming that they won't all be under the same roof.) I get it, I know it is the way it suppose to be. Parenting is a temporary job. I fought the beginning stages of parenting back in 1994 and had a lot of selfishness to die to along the way, but now I am grieving the season changing.

Mind you I know not all of them are about to flee the nest, and I would love for them to hang around for their first year or two of college, but the fact is- we are on the downward slope of this mountain. I am so thankful for the uniqueness each of them have brought to our family and I am so proud of them.

Things I have seen recently that are treasures in my heart: Keira taking a spelling test and because it was a review list- she had some words showing on her paper and she took time to scratch it all out so she would not be able to cheat. She has done things like this on her own many times. I love that each Sunday she remembers to bring her own communion cracker because she doesn't like the ones at church. We go to grab the cup and she pulls her cracker out of her pocket week after week. haha I love their faithfulness when they say they are going to do something- like read for a timed amount of time- they do it to the sound of the buzzer. My oldest, Marisa, will disagree with choice of clothing, but most days she will come back out having changed into something I approve of- though I didn't "make" her do so. My Shyla- has shared some wise insight recently and it just made my heart swell with joy. She is gaining wisdom as she fumbles through her first year of high school. She has always been so encouraging to her older sister too in the many things Marisa has done from gymnastics to soccer to writing and singing songs. It has not all been easy- life isn't easy. These moments are so precious to me- seeing their character take shape and I love to see them choose right- not because I am standing over them, but because they want to do it the right way. I hope and pray they will always come back to this place- even if they detour for brief periods of time. They are so much wiser than I was at their ages. I am blessed beyond measure to be their mom.


Just one of those mommy kind of days that I am playing the reel of life through my mind and I must say- thank you Lord. I am so very appreciative for this life you have given me to walk in. Some days and seasons are tough (and this is one presently) but I still have so much to give thanks for. Just their breath of life today is a gift. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Denying self...

My husband and I are in a time of reflection on where we have been and where we are heading. We are at a type of intersection- I would say. Behind us lays our choices we made- jobs passed up, homes sold, detours taken and we compare that to where we are now- mostly in relation to struggles and we wonder what do we do on the road ahead?? We seem to be in a place where all our choices are colliding and we've been a bit down trodden- truthfully.

I have been battling some things and praying I remember what we were thinking when we chose what we did. I sat this morning remembering some of the reasons for our choices and in the worlds eyes it sounds foolish. My husband passed up travelling jobs that offered a lot of money so he would be home with the family. I was a stay at home mom to be with the kids full time. We homeschooled for the first 8 yrs of each of the girls education to be their biggest influence. We moved from the country and community we loved to be near my dad who was ill. In the moments the decisions needed to be made- we did pray much and feel a peace about it. However years later, we struggle with did we make the right choice? Should we have been a family that strived more for better finances? Should we have remained in our 15 year morgage and be half way through having a home owned free and clear? Did we miss the wisdom from the Lord?... Cuz I was seeking it.

This morning, I have a different perspective. We have made it through. It has been a battle, yes, but we have riches money can't buy. We have no material treasures tethering us in this world. I ponder- is this my own "build up my choices speech" and I think not. I just am reflecting on our choices and most of the time I feel like we have missed the mark. Today I rest in- that our choices have been out of denying ourselves. We haven't done what is best for ourselves. We have done what is best for our children and family members and yes even as it has all panned out- much seems foolish. Kids are struggling, family is dramatic, but our choices were based on faith and love and love is what lasts.

Struggles abound and the mountain we see through this intersection looks steep and there is no certainties for our future this side of heaven. God has always been with us though- and in the moments, by faith- we believe He lead us to where we are today, so on we will go- moving forward- whatever/wherever that might be. I hope this encourages someone who may feel in a similar place today. May we each feel His presence and His love- for there is nothing better than that in this world!