Five Minute Friday: Beloved

My girls just drove off to school and as I stood at the window and watched them drive off my heart was full of love...they are my beloved.

There are so many ups and downs of parenting and through the different seasons we work through different types of exhaustion and different peaks of joy and love. Through every step of it though- our children are our most beloved treasures this side of heaven.

My parenting is coming to an end with my oldest. Yes, I will always be her mom and love her as my daughter, but she is an adult now and moving into this season with all the hope, anticipation, and struggles we all have to go through. I am proud of her. Not to far behind her is my nearly 16 year old- who cannot wait to be spreading her own wings and experiencing life for herself. I am trying to soak up the time I have left with her. Then I will have one more...a few short years of taking in all I can with my girls and I plan to experience them to the fullest.

So thankful the Lord allowed me the honor of having these three amazing girls in my life. They are my beloved children and I am blessed to be their mom.

 

 

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Five Minute Friday: Afraid

This word describes much of my life. Like on "Hinds Feet on High Places" I can relate to Much Afraid. I desire bravery, but seem to fall in this category more often than not.

I am in the process of overcoming and transforming into something more of courage and just believing in who God is and who He has created me to be. It is a slow process, but I see Him at work and I am thankful for the valley walks and the mountain top highs.

I think fear took over when I became a mom- there was so much I felt I stood to lose at that point with my sweet girls in my life that I lost the adventure part of me and replaced it with being afraid.

I now have a child who spends more time making sure things are safe than just enjoying life and we are working on that- the both of us are. I am so thankful we are works in progress and I know that with all that goes on in the world there are things that cause us to be afraid, but we can still walk in the Lord's peace and believe that He will get us through anything we come up against.

That I am sure of! For Much Afraid becomes Grace and Glory!

Deep Breath...

There are many things we can take for granted like-

deep breaths

 

What a wonderful thing to be able to inhale to the total expanse of your lung capacity and to exhale and have a wave of relief come across your physical being.

 

It has been hard to get that deep breath for months, but it is happening again-

                                                                                                             SLOWLY.....

 and I am enjoying it- one long breath at a time.


There seems to be a cleansing power in it, a relaxing wave moves through my body and I realize it could be one of the sweetest gifts our body has in its power to use. Breath is a gift- without it we cease to exist on earth, and I am appreciating the ability today.

It feels good to breathe in and out. I think about the Lord's breath that began life so long ago. The first breath a baby takes after exiting the womb. The breath of the Almighty gives me life. (Job 33:4b)



Five Minute Friday: Again

The things that come around again and again- bills, struggles, lessons to learn, lunches to make, lists to check off...

But then again- we know we are more than conquerors, there is more than this life.

I am in a place that I am beginning again as I shared in my last post.

When you have children it is the same lessons again and again. Sometimes I think making a recording of my instructions would save a lot of time and energy. :)

The greatest thought that hits my mind with this word- God's mercy's are new again and again- every morning to be more specific. It is so nice to know we can begin again after we have messed up and that we are washed in the saving grace of Jesus again.

Today I head out to seek the Lord and I pray for a renewing of my love for Him and for life and so I go Again expecting to meet Him in this place and that He will once more shower me with His wonderful Presence and I will feel like I can truly- Again- continue on in this journey of life.

That is 5 minutes. :) It went fast...

Life 101...

Starting again- how many times do we find ourself here. Beginning again to move forward as the Lord would have us. From ground zero, square one, coming off the bench once again to join life.

Years ago- I liked starting again. I had so much energy and strength- I liked change and rearranging and reorganizing. Now I like things arranged and organized- just not as much into redoing it all.

So for the past two years the ride of life has brought us back to the beginning- feeling more like the bottom. We now- middle aged adults- being life again. Just the sound of this exhausts me. And it has been an exhausting process. However, I see growth and maturity and that brings hope. I feel some healing and that brings peace.

God has a plan and I am choosing to trust Him in this process. I am thankful for so many things I took for granted. I am thankful for a clear mind, for being able to focus, to rest in Him. I am thankful He whispers in my ear when I can do nothing but lay before Him- no words from my mouth, no sound except my breath and he is there in that moment. He whispers- you are ok, you will be ok. I don't feel that- but He says it and I will trust Him.

Happy Birthday Brother...

8 months ago today my life was changed forever. The state of shock, disbelief, anger, and sorrow hit all at once and even after all these months I still visit each state at times with different triggers.

So many things remind me of you- seeing a guitar or hearing acoustic music being played, teas, smoothies, wheat grass, certain songs, my bottle of anisette from Italy- your lips touched it last.

Bing cherries- the day you and I road into Winston in my Mustang just to buy them and share them on the way home when I was pregnant with Marisa, grandma's pickles- you and I shared a love for them like no other, jet boat rides.

VW Bus- I pass one on the way home sometimes and it makes my heart want to burst out of sadness, guitar picks, my right index finger- cuz you were missing part of yours.


Hearing someone say "Sissy" you are the only one to ever call me that- there are many other things because you so touched my life in more ways than you ever could have imagined. There is a part of me that seems to always be thinking about you.

Today you would be 26 years old. 

I remember the summer of  '99 when you were baptized. O how I hope that sealed you in the Book of Life. Out of all the memories I have, this is my most treasured. For it is the only one that gives me any hope of ever seeing you again. I have dreaded this day for 8 months and I know I will make it through however hard it may be, but I do wish I could hug you and say Happy Birthday face to face. And to say thank you for always being so great to my kids. They miss you so much. We all do.

This is where my thoughts are today as this year closes out. It has been a sad year in our home. God is good- I know that. He will get us through- I hold on to nothing tighter than this. Jesus is my breath and strength and I don't know how a person would get through this without Him. O how I long to know you are with Him. To see you standing there with Him- I love you Chris.

 New Years Eve when Chris turned 24
 

Identity...

I was thinking about this today- specifically my own identity- who am I? So much of my life I thought I knew who I was and now I am really not so sure. Life unfolded before I really thought much beneath the surface of things. Before I knew it, I was a wife, mother, and home schooler. Yes there were seasons that seemed to drag on, but really the time has whisped by and now I find myself preparing for my oldest daughter-who just turned 18- to graduate. I find my middle child learning to drive and totally desiring independance, and my youngest not so much of a baby anymore. I began working a couple of months ago and have all children in school. Almost everything I have been linked with has changed. Yes, I am still wife and mother- but really these rolls are changing so much that it is not at all what it has been for so many years.

Life seems to not make a lot of sense right now. It is chaotic, like the picture above. Who wants that in front of them as they are driving along the road needing clear guidance. NOT ME. I like simple and life is anything but simple. It is going all different directions and trying to keep up is just exhausting.

So in the midst of unexpected changes, I ponder my identity. As I do- I am so thankful to be reassured that I am a child of God. I am sealed in Jesus Christ and nothing can change that. Though life is so full of undesired changes and I feel a bit lost in it all right now- God is still good and that is something I can be sure of. I thank the Lord for His mercy that is new each morning. I am thankful for an able body that can work hard each day. I am thankful for the moments- that are fewer and fewer- when my sweet family is all under the same roof. I am thankful that though I don't know who I am at the moment or what my roll is in life that I have a Guide who is leading me and so I shall be ok as I cling to Him.

Anyone else in a similar place?